conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
