I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
