pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The air taste purple.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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