It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize