Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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