Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
