nut hugger
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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