He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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