Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she smelled like a LAN party
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
