I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
