when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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