There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
