I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
