you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
