my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
