Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
