Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
