so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize