Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
