i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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