who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
