Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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