I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
