I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
