Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vagina is very pro this idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
