"it" just moved
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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