Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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