i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
