Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
