So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FUCK WHALES
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
