you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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