Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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