a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
