yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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