I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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