you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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