I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
