did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
not ubering you a puppy
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
