I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
