Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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