Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
