she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
