i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
