What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
