he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
