Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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