I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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