I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
