Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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