Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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