Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
