Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
