I heard we made out
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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