If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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