I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
