u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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