covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
