You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
