I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
