His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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