She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
