I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
