If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
