Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
