Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
