Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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