ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
