i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
