somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you win again, gameday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
