My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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