sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
