Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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