She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
