Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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