Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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