no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
